I Am

I am loving and creative

I wonder how the universe works

I hear the birds in the forest singing

I see the sunlight glinting through the trees

I want to be there in a world with no worries

I am loving and creative

I pretend I am a princess with a knight in shining armor

I feel free and myself

I tough the bark of the tree next to me

I worry I won’t make it, I work I won’t succeed

I cry for the dreams crushed and left behind on the road that is life

I am beautiful and loving

I understand we can feel

I say that we are all beautiful

I dream of a world with no worries

I try to help others dream of this world

I hope one day we can all be free and live in peace

I am beautiful and loving

Rebel

A cross around my neck

Prayers on my tongue

Conviction in my mind?

Not

I say I am

Why?

To avoid explanation

Too hard to tell my story

I am too complicated to fit

Too passionate to settle

To caring to ignore the injustices

To curious for my own good

How to conform

Do I want to?

Stand out from the rest

Do I want to be so unique?

Rebel – just another label

I want to make a change

No violence

Free spirit

But how to say it

How to convince them

I need to think

Give me time…

Shot Through the Heart

The first time it hurts

Then you get accustomed to him being gone

Then he comes back for a break

Bang

He’s gone again but the whole is wider

It hurts just as much as the first time if not more

When he comes back

Bang

Now Christmas break

You get him back for longer

You spend as much time with him as you can

Bang

He comes back with someone this time

You try to spend time with him

All he talks about is her

Bang

Finally summer vacation

You want to spend all of your time with him

Make up for what was lost

Bang.  She’s stealing him away

Next year

You naively expect different

No – he spends all of his time with her

Bang

Now you are numb

Used to the pain and feeling of loss

A wave of nostalgia

Bang

You try to talk – can’t find common ground

No more deep conversations

You don’t know him anymore

Bang

Left on the floor alone

Bleeding and crying out for him

Please come back

Bang

Born to Run

This is a valuable lesson my friend taught me.  I owe her my life; I would not be the same without her.

I need to run away.

Why?

I was born to run.

How?

I was born with two legs, muscles, and a nervous system to control them.

You were also born with a brain.

Why?

To think about and confront your problems.

But I want to run.

You need to face your fears.

Why?

Why do you need to face your fears?

Yes, why?

So you can have a better life.

What will it give me?

Peace so you don’t need to run.

But I want to run.  Please let me run.

You can run all you want, but if you confront your fears, you’re not running from anything.  You can run for yourself.

I can be free.

Yes.

But isn't that what running is for?

It depends on how you run: with guilt or with freedom.

Freedom.  I want my freedom.

Married to a Navy Seal

            For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was able to smile as I felt the salty wind on my face.  Inhaling the sea air, I had a sense of peace knowing that he was finally coming home to me.  He had just completed a mission overseas and was allowed to come home for now.  He and his team were being debriefed overseas on the plane so I would be able to see him right away.

            Snapping me out of my trance, the woman behind me sighed and asked, “Can’t wait ‘till he’s in your arms again, can you?”  I shook my head.  “It’s doesn't get any easier over the years, but you know it’s worth it when you see his face again.”  I smiled.  “I’m Melony, Tom’s wife.  You probably don’t know the team that well yet, but your husband…he’s a good man.  From the way Tom says he talks about you…it’d be wise to keep that one.  He’ll go to the end of the world...hell, the universe to save you, you know,” she looked at me expectantly. 

            Turing away from her, I gazed back over towards the ocean.  “I know,” I said quietly listening to the wind whistling over our ears.  Melony gave me a funny look, like I had just taken all the money in the world for granted, but I didn't.  I didn't take him for granted.  I loved him.  I would happily give my life any day if it would save his.

            “There they are!” another woman shouted from somewhere in the crowd behind us.  Her three young kids had all started jumping up and down screaming “Daddy!  Daddy’s coming home!”  I felt the same way as these children, but kept my thoughts to myself. 

            We all felt the wind increase as the plane landed a little ways odd.  When we saw the staircase come down from the side door the children were the first to break into a free run followed by the rest of the families.  I, however, followed at a distance, still feeling a bit too excited to be healthy; I felt like a kid who hasn’t experienced Christmas in three years. 

            I was able to watch the first few men of my husband’s team emerge from the door before the crowd became too condensed to see.  “Dean!” I tried calling out over the noise but I couldn’t see him anywhere; my height has me at a disadvantage.  “Dean!” I craned my neck again trying to see over the group.  Whole families had come to greet their nephew, son, husband, brother, ect., so the crowd was quite large.  ‘I need to get out…OUT!’ my mind screamed at me.

            Fighting my way to what I thought was the edge of the mob, I felt my side get elbowed twice and my feet stepped on multiple times.  By the time my mind could register that I was hurt, I needed to double over in order to breathe properly.  “Dean…” a breathless sigh escaped from my chest as stars began to dance in my eyes.  Gone was the tranquility and happiness I had felt waiting – gone was the excitement of his arrival.  All I felt was pain, confusion, and frustration.

            Almost as soon as I felt I couldn't take anymore, familiar arms wrapped themselves around me and pulled me up again.  His body was pressed against mine, protecting me from the mob as he slowly led me out of the mass.  Even when I knew we were clear, I still against mine, protecting me from the mob as he slowly led me out of the mass.  Even when I knew we were clear, I still clung to him like a child to her favorite stiffed animal after nightmare.  Breathing in the scent of his aftershave had a familiar calming effect on me; I realized he must have cleaned up on the plane.  I felt him kiss my head as his arms slowly retreated from their defensive bear hug around me to be placed on my hips.  As I finally looked up at him, he caught my lips in his and my arm moved around his neck.

            “Hello,” he smiled, breaking away to gaze at my face.

            “Hello.”